Today has been a bad day. I think there's no way I could miss my husband more, then something happens, like a song comes on or I see something that reminds me of him, and I lose it. I miss him so much, it's physically painful. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being exhausted because I can't sleep without him. I'm tired of having to wipe tears from Myracle's eyes because she misses her daddy so much. I'm tired of it all. I just want him HOME!

I've lost a total of 70lbs since March, and 50lbs since my husband last saw me. I send him pictures, but there's a HUGE difference.. and besides, doesn't the camera add 10lbs? ;) He's not going to know what to do with himself when he sees me for the first time in months, and I'm down 70 or 80 pounds. WOW! I can't wait to see his face on that day. I can't wait to see his face anyway, but for THAT particular reason, it's going to be amazing! I only lost 5lbs. while I was on vacation, but that's more than I thought I had lost. I'm losing more inches than anything now. That's fine with me.. my clothes are looking awesome on me. It's really fun going shopping with my mom, and we fight over a shirt because we can both fit into it. It's been so long since I felt like a normal human being while going shopping. If I weren't going to Walmart in the plus size section, I just wore old clothes. I can shop at the mall now... not for pants, yet, my hips are still too big lol, but for shirts, definitely!!! :) I can't wait until I can get a pair of jeans from the mall (I don't care what store), and they FIT comfortably and look good.

I'm signing Myracle up for dance and gymnastics. She's so excited! She keeps telling everyone that she's a by-your-ee-na (ballerina). Then, she shows off her awesome ballerina skills, lifting up one leg and putting her hands over her head!! :) She's definitely making this deployment easier for me, in some respects. Things like that make me smile. Other times when she misses Roberto so much, it's so much harder on me than if it were just me missing me. But at least, I have her. I can't imagine how he feels being there without us. :(

Please keep my husband, my family, and all our military men and women in your thoughts and prayers!

Down another 10!!!!!!

Hello my lovelies..

I'm sorry it's taking so long in between blog posts, but I'm on vacation and all I want to do is forget about my troubles right now.

I'm doing pretty good on the diet. I'm down 65lbs, but I'm at a stand still. That's okay though, because I've lost 65lbs. in 3 months. I think a stand still would be good for me lol. I'm still shrinking though. My waist mostly. We went shopping today, and I wear the same size shirts, actually a little tighter, than my mom. It was SOO exciting! Everyone kept complimenting my waist. It was so nice to hear compliments instead of, "Well, why don't we just try a size up." Oh man, it's so nice to not have those issues anymore.

I'm down quite a few pants sizes.. it just depends on how you want to measure it. I was a 24, now I'm in a 16/18. WOOP WOOP!!! I HAD to get new pants today because my old 18's were falling off of me. SCORE! :)

Roberto's been gone almost 2 months now. It seems like it's been 8 months. I feel so distant from him sometimes. I wish he were home. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be without him. I thought it would be like every other time we'd been apart for a month or so, but knowing that I won't see him for at LEAST another 6 months... SUCKS! Myracle's getting more and more sad about it, too. She wants him home just as badly.. well, almost as badly! ;) I know it's hurting him, also. I agree with the term, "Deployment's suck!" But they do make you grow in certain aspects of your life you didn't think you'd ever grow in, or even think you needed to grow in.

Roberto's birthday's at the end of this month, and I'm trying desperately to think of something to send him, but he won't give me ANY ideas of something he wants, and there's only so many things I can send him. I just wish he were here so I could kiss him... THAT would be an awesome birthday present. Any and ALL ideas are welcome! :)

Please keep my husband and our family in your prayers. :)

Love y'all!!!!

Two weeks after surgery

3.5 months after surgery

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've written here. I've had so much going on that I actually completely forgot about my blog. So far, Roberto's been gone a little over a month. It's been really hard, but Skype and Facebook help so much. It's not like he's still here, but I still feel connected to him in a way I didn't think we would have. It's been wonderful. Our relationship seems to have gotten stronger in a way since he's been gone. I think we've both realized how much we love and need each other. This deployment has been tough, but it's been good for us. I have days when all I want to do is cry until I can't cry anymore, but I never seem to stop having tears. I've cried myself to sleep a few times. I miss him so much more than I ever thought I would. I miss his touch, his smile, his voice, his smell... one of the things I miss most is his smell. Right after he left, I'd wear his shirts, but now they all smell like me instead of him. :( I miss his snoring, his mood swings, his horrible music choices, I miss everything about him. I decided that this deployment was a perfect time to get my priorities straight. God is the most important thing in my life, and He should have always been, but as many people do I put my family before Him. Not anymore. He's my number one! I've devoted myself to Him in a way that I never thought was possible. It's amazing the things that happen when you make God your main, your first, your only. My life has fallen into place. The pieces have fallen together. Reading the Bible has been such an inspiration. Before it felt like a chore or a hassle, now I actually get excited about reading because I know I'm going to get something spectacular out of it. He talks to me like you talk to a friend. My relationship with God is so passionate and loving that it goes beyond normal relationships. It's a love like no other. My God loves me, and I still have no idea why. I don't deserve it, but He does and so passionately. :)

I'm now down 55lbs!!!! I'm now in the 100's. It's so odd seeing my body changing so drastically. I see it more when my clothes are off. I'm sure hubby will like that part lol. I wore heels for the first time in years yesterday. I felt ridiculous, but my mom and sister assured me that I looked great. I'm not sure how accurate they were though! I feel wonderful though. By the time Roberto comes home, I should be down to the size I was in high school. He's never seen me that size.. which is REALLY exciting! Actually in just a few more pounds he'll never have seen me this size.. about 10 pounds. And I'll be so much smaller the next time he sees me. It's so exciting! He's so excited to see me, too. But it'll be MONTHS before he can see me. Stupid deployment! But boy, when he gets home is he gonna be in for a happy surprise! ;)

This was about 2 weeks ago!

This was today!!! 

He's gone.

Well, he's gone. He left last week. I finally heard his voice at 1 this morning for the first time since Wednesday. It felt like God was smiling down on me. It was so wonderful to hear his voice. I was having a hard time this weekend. It was our first weekend without Roberto, and it was TOUGH. I'm doing so much better now though. I have such wonderful friends and family. They're so uplifting. They help me out when all I want to do is cry and lay down. Myracle seems to be doing okay. She misses Roberto, but she isn't dwelling on it. Thank God! We have a recordable Storybook that Roberto recorded for Myracle, and we listen to it every night. It's wonderful being able to hear his voice anytime we want. :)

My weight loss has stopped again. BOO! I figured it would though because for almost two weeks I had lost about a pound a day. I'm okay with that. I don't want to lose too much weight too fast. That would not be pretty.

I don't really have too much to say except that he's gone and I'm doing better than I thought I would be. Some days are definitely harder than others, but taking it one day at a time helps.

I love you, Roberto. Stay safe and come home soon!

Last week..

This is it! This is our last week together before the deployment. I'm handling it well enough, I think. We had a wonderful weekend, and that helped a lot. My mom took Myracle over night on Saturday, so it was just Roberto and me. We were supposed to go see a movie, but two different theaters were sold out, so we just came home. It was the best decision we could have made. We just held each other all night. No TV, no computer, no XBOX, no little one constantly coming in.. it was just us! We had Myracle before we got married, and we didn't live together, so it felt like our wedding night. It was a magical night, and I will definitely have that to remember and keep me going during this deployment. :) I feel like we had such a long time to prepare for this deployment, but the last month seems like it went by ridiculously fast. And instead of spending what few precious moments we still have with each other, my husband is playing on the XBOX. I know he's going to miss things like that while he's gone, but I can't help but think, "Won't you miss me? Then, why won't you hang out with me?" Then, I feel selfish because I know he's going to be in a desert, with little to no comforts, while I'll be here with all the comforts we're used to.

We were able to get family pictures before he left. Thank God! I was so worried we weren't going to be able to get them done. We had scheduled to get some done last weekend, but Roberto didn't want to. That's why I was stressing so much about getting them done. But thank God they're done, and I love them! Here's a couple from the session. :)

I've lost a total of 36lbs, which I'm really excited about. It's even more awesome when Roberto comments on it. :) He tells me how "hot" or "fine" I am all the time now. It feels amazing! I can not wait until he comes home in another 8 or 9 months, and I'm down at LEAST 60 or 70 more pounds.. he's not even going to recognize me! ;) When we got married, I was 207lbs. He's never actually seen me under 200lbs. I'm just a few pounds away from that 200 mark now. I won't make it before he leaves, but oh man, I'm excited to lose all that weight. That's definitely something that's keeping me motivated and concentrating on. 

Well, Roberto just turned off his game, so I'm going to end this. Thanks for reading! :)

It's coming off.. and fast!

I have now lost 32lbs. I couldn't be happier with that number! It hasn't been 7 weeks since I had the surgery, and I'm already down 32lbs. I have learned that the more I eat, the more I lose. I'm sure it sounds weird, but I think my body goes into starvation mode when I don't eat as much. For a while there, I tried to eat as little as possible because I thought it would help me lose the weight. Now I eat when I'm hungry (which is more often than I thought was possible after having gastric bypass), and I eat until I'm full. That doesn't take long either, lol. Most people's meals would consist of a meat, potato (or two), vegetable, possibly some bread.. at least that's what mine used to be like. Last night, I made a small potato with cheese and butter and ate about a quarter of the entire thing before I was stuffed. It was such a great feeling to be so full after so little. 


Since I'm losing weight now, my next goal is to start working out on a regular basis. I've been so lax where the working out part is concerned, and I know that's one of the most important parts to this whole process. I don't want to lose 100lbs and be saggy. EWWW! So, my goal is to walk at LEAST for 30 minutes at the track a day. I'll be able to work on my tan, too! SCORE!!! 


Welp, it's down to the wire. He'll be gone before next weekend. I "think" I'm handling it okay. I haven't cried uncontrollably for a few days. Thank God because that was getting old.. FAST! I know Roberto hated it, too! He was sweet about it though, and tried to be comforting, as much as he could. I think he's excited about going. Since this is his first deployment and all. He's been in 6 years, and this is his first. We were so blessed to be able to be together for so long before our first deployment. I think in some ways it was amazing, and in others it made this harder. We still haven't told Myracle, and I'm stressing over how to tell her. We did get her those recordable books. That way Roberto could read to her anytime. I think I'll be listening to it more than her, lol. 


I'm gonna go to the track, I think! ;) 





This picture was taken 3 days after my surgery.

This picture was taken last week (sorry it's blurry). 6 weeks after surgery. I've lost another 7lbs since this picture.

It's getting close!

It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote because we were on vacation. Thinking about it now, I want to cry. It's our last vacation for at least a year. Leave went by so incredibly fast. The first week all Roberto did was play video games. The next week, we went to Louisiana to visit my family. That was wonderful and so relaxing. The rest of leave, we just hung out at the house as a family. All in all, it was a really good leave. Now it's over, and we're back to the grind, and I can't get the deployment, only a few weeks away out of my mind. Everywhere I look, I think about it. I know I'll be okay, but right now I just don't feel like I will be. I feel like we're breaking up in a way. We still love each other, we just can't be together. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's how I feel. Please keep my husband in your prayers... and Myracle and me.


On a "lighter" note, literally, I've lost 27lbs. Yay! It's so nice to see the inches disappear. I'm wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in two years. I wore Roberto's shirt two nights ago to sleep in. I haven't been able to wear his clothes since we've been married. It was AWESOME! Roberto was hugging me the other night, and he put his arms around my waist and said, "You're getting so tiny!" I beamed! I'm anything but tiny, but to hear him say that, and to know that he can see the changes make me feel like a million bucks. 


It's been almost 6 weeks since the surgery. As of now, everything's going really good. I still get tired easily, but I can handle it better. I haven't taken any of my pain meds since the 8th day after surgery. I'll get cramps here and there, and pain here and there, but it's not so horrible that I can't bear it.


I've recently starting walking at the track. I have so much more energy when I work out now. It's crazy! I can go further, faster, and stronger. I feel amazing after I'm done. Before I had the surgery all I could think about was how idiotic I looked. Now I feel like I'm truly doing something for myself, and it feels awesome! I love the things I can do now. I still don't have tons of energy, but it's getting there. 


God has blessed me so much. I wish I could thank Him enough for everything He's done for me and my family. But there's no way to thank Him for so much. Nothing, humanly, that I can do, at least. I'm still going to try though. (:


'Til next time.... Love y'all!